What does it mean to grow up in a dysfunctional family?
Growing up in a dysfunctional family means internalizing persistent, normalized patterns of abuse, neglect, unhealthy communication, and chaos. This can look like secrets, enmeshment, controlling behaviors, financial control, high avoidance, and/or constant conflict.
I often hear from clients that they didn't realize how unhealthy their childhood environment was until they were exposed to healthier dynamics (friends' families, partners' families, etc.).
Through growing up in these environments, children learn adaptive strategies of navigating relationships—strategies that often become less effective or even detrimental in their adult relationships. This can manifest as people-pleasing behaviors, forgiving without seeing genuine behavioral change, constantly feeling on high alert, challenges expressing emotions or setting boundaries, feeling responsible for others' feelings or problems, and being expected to present as "fine" or "perfect" all the time.
Together, we may work on:
Identifying your family role(s) and the systemic patterns at play.
Connecting with and processing your emotions, instead of avoiding them.
Developing evidence-based skills to regulate your emotions effectively.
Shifting your inner dialogue from self-criticism to self-curiosity and self-compassion.
Learning and practicing healthier communication and boundary setting.
Your family origin doesn't have to dictate your future; you can become an "agent for change" in your own life by understanding these patterns. The goal is to find ways to communicate and express yourself more effectively and disrupt familial cycles. It didn't start with you, but it can end with you!
